Tag Archives: misbehavior

Discipline, Family Safety, SYN Digital Enrollment Director

Discipline Mistakes Parents Make

Although almost every parent wants great kids, many parents aren’t sure how to get there. Here are three of the most common child discipline mistakes and how to avoid them.

1. Treating children like pets, not people

Starting in the womb, the entire journey of having children is often viewed as a fun new venture for parents, with a completely parent-centered approach to the process that forms a shaky foundation for future discipline.

What makes this outlook so damaging is that it makes it unlikely that parents will do the uncomfortable things required in disciplining happy, well-rounded children. If the parent is unwilling to take the time to teach the child the unpleasant lesson that “Mommy’s voice can’t be ignored,” the child is left to the luck of the draw as he or she darts out into the parking lot as a toddler, or when he or she begins associating with questionable characters after school in junior high.

2. Lack of foresight

By ignoring negative behaviors when a child is small and could be easily taught lessons like “Don’t lie to Mommy” or “We don’t steal candy,” those bad habits can become ingrained.

Instead of laughing off the cute antics of adorable little bold-faced liars, wise parents will envision the same children performing the same acts in 10 or 12 years. If a 3-year-old’s lie seems funny, the parent should hold back the smile and visualize the same child at 15, then an accomplished liar.

Instead of indulging the cherub who refuses vegetables and demands only sweets, parents should picture the same child as an overweight, self-conscious 16-year-old. What can be done today to make his or her life easier then?

3. Assuming discipline = punishment

As health is more than medicine, discipline is more than punishment. Yes, punishment has its place, as does medicine. Still, optimal health means that medicine will rarely be necessary, just as wise discipline causes punishment to be a rare occurrence.

Discipline means “the process of making a disciple.” That process involves a huge host of factors, only one of which is punishment. Other equally vital components of discipline include teaching honesty, respect, reverence, work ethic, health and scheduling.

When parents ignore these other important facets of discipline, their over-emphasis on punishment can send children the unspeakably damaging message that they aren’t loved, which only exacerbates the problem.

Punishment takes discipline, but discipline is more than punishment.

Bullying, SYN Digital Enrollment Director, SYN The Bully Expert

How to Respond to Verbal Bullying

Verbal bullying is an all too common event that children face both in and out of school.

This situation happens most commonly in school but it can also happen outside of school hours at sports events, parties and other areas where teens congregate.

Knowing what to do and how to respond to verbal bullying is something that all teens, children and parents must learn.

Leave the Situation

Whenever possible, someone who is being verbally bullied should leave the situation if it is possible to do so safely. Leaving the area before the situation escalates can help to avoid serious physical injury.

Walking away without saying a word may sometimes be the best way to respond to verbal bullying.

Preparing to Respond

When walking away from the bullying is not possible, teens may need to come up with a verbal response to the bully. Strategizing about what to say to the bully can help things go as smoothly as possible. Having a plan can help a teen prevent overreactions and can lead to enhanced self-confidence.

Practicing ahead of time can help a teen when such a situation arises.

The Response

Maintaining a steady voice, making eye contact with the bully and speaking in a confident way are essentials for a good response to verbal bullying. Teens can try to diffuse the situation by using these types of responses:

  • Fogging. This is done to confuse the bully. Fogging responses include a single word or just a few words that are neutral or positive. Examples of fogging responses to a bully include “so?”, “who cares?” and “maybe.”
  • Agreeing statements. These statements confirm the facts regarding the verbal bullying. An example of an agreeing statement is, “Yes, you’re right.”
  • Comeback lines. These responses are meant to stump the bully and make him or her think twice about his or her actions. Comeback lines may include statements such as, “whatever you say.”

Responses to verbal bullying should not try to incite anger or escalate the situation. Using a comeback line can be tricky; this type of response requires careful practice and assessment of the situation to ensure that the situation does not worsen.

Bullying, SYN Digital Enrollment Director, SYN The Bully Expert

Verbal Bullying: What it is and how to stop it

Verbal bullying is a serious issue that many children and teenagers face. In order to put a stop to this type of abuse, parents, teachers and members of the community must first understand what it is.

Once a verbal bullying situation is recognized, a variety of strategies can be used to stop it before the situation worsens.

What Verbal Bullying Is

Verbal bullying is most often committed by girls. It may consist of rumor spreading, using words that demean or degrade the victim or using words that cause social exclusion.

It may also be done as a way to dominate others. This type of bullying is just as damaging as physical bullying and can lead to serious effects for the victim, including an increased risk of suicide.

Ways Kids Can Stop Verbal Bullying

There are several responses and actions that kids can take that may help to put an end to verbal bullying. Some things to try include:

  • Using neutral statements. Responding to a bully’s verbal assaults with neutral comments such as “possibly” or “maybe so” indicates to the bully that he or she isn’t going to get a big reaction from the victim.
  • Using positive or agreeing statements. Examples of these include “who cares?” or “Yes, you’re right.”
  • Remaining civil. Don’t sink to the level of the bully. Doing so may escalate the situation.
  • Telling an authority figure. Bullying that interferes with a child’s social life, confidence, well-being and mental or physical health must be reported to an authority figure as soon as possible. An authority figure may be someone like a teacher, school counselor, school nurse, playground aide, tutor or parent.

Once a parent, teacher or another authority figure is made aware of a verbal bullying situation, action must be taken. An authority figure may be able to physically separate the bully from his or her victim.

The authority figure may be able to increase awareness of the effects of bullying and help others to identify such behaviors in the classroom, cafeteria and other places.

Adults can also help to diffuse the situation by determining what the motivating factors behind the bully’s behaviors are.

 

Bullying, SYN Digital Enrollment Director, SYN The Bully Expert

2014 Bullying Statistics Recently Revealed

With the prevalence of technology, today’s bullying not only includes in-person threats and physical violence but also the online world of cyber bullying. The most recent 2014 bullying statistics may shock parents, educators and the community due to the widespread prevalence of this sometimes deadly behavior.

 

The Who and Where of Bullying

According to a study by UCLA, 20 percent of students in grades 9 through 12 have experienced bullying, as have 28 percent of students in grades 6 through 12. Most bullying behaviors take place in the classroom.

This is where 29.3 percent of those who were bullied experienced the event. Other common places where bullying occurs include in the hallways and locker areas, where 29.0 percent experienced bullying; 23.4 percent were bullied in the cafeteria; 19.5 percent were bullied in gym class and 12.2 percent were bullied in the bathroom.

 

bullying_1Types of Bullying

The most common type of bullying behavior in schools is name calling. This is followed by teasing, rumor spreading, physical assaults, isolation, threats, stealing and sexual harassment.

Although cyber bullying was the least common type of bullying, it does deserve special attention because of its reach. Rather than a few people witnessing an in-person bullying event, cyber bullying can attract the attention of hundreds or even thousands of witnesses and the event can persist on the Internet for years.

 

Bullying Targets

Anyone who is different makes an easy target for bullying. More than 90 percent of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth experience bullying.

Students with Asperger’s syndrome and Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder are also common targets of bullies. Students who are overweight, have a striking physical feature or dress differently than their peers may also find themselves the targets of bullies.

Of those who are bullied, only 20 to 30 percent report the events to teachers, parents or school counselors.

 

Witnesses of Bullying

Bullying affects the entire school. More than 70 percent of students in grades 6 through 12 have witnessed bullying. When someone intervenes within ten seconds of a bullying event, the bullying stops more than 57 percent of the time.

Parents, teachers and the community can come together to change these bullying statistics for the better. When adults demonstrate cooperation and setting good examples, children in turn will follow these positive behaviors. It will take time, but it can happen.

Armed with the 2014 bullying statistics, parents and educators can see what they need to look out for in order to put a stop to bullying.

 

Bullying, SYN Digital Enrollment Director, SYN The Bully Expert

What is Bystander Mobilization?

 

Bullying and harassment among children and teens have become a hot-button issue in contemporary society as a rash of suicides have swept the country. The victims may feel like they have nowhere to turn and act out by harming themselves.

In response to this crisis, an emerging practice that empowers other students to put an end to bullying has started gaining traction. While bystander mobilization might be encouraged by teachers and other adult authority figures, the ability to put a stop to bullying is left in the hands of the students.

 

The Bystander Effect

Students often feel powerless to stop a peer who they witness bullying others. In the moment, they may fear that speaking up will turn the bully’s attention on them. As such, they don’t take any action, especially if there are other students watching the bullying occur.

This is referred to as the “bystander effect,” in which people do not go out of their way to help others in distress when there are other witnesses to an event. In instances of bullying, bystanders – especially children – don’t want to get involved and single themselves out.

Afterward, they may feel upset, stressed or guilty over what happened, even if they were only watching what was going on.

 

Bystander Mobilization

Bystander mobilization is a way of turning that weakness into a form of strength. It asks witnesses to call out the bully and his or her behavior during the act itself, whether it’s taking place in front of them, down the hall or even online.

The child is encouraged to address the victim and make sure that they are all right, while also pointing out that the actions of the bully are wrong to other children watching. In some instances, they may encourage other bystanders to leave so that the bully doesn’t have an audience and thus the attention they crave.

When one person speaks out, it becomes easier for others watching to speak out against the bully.

 

Bystander Mobilization – it takes courage and ethics

Stepping forward and showing a bully that their behavior is damaging and dangerous takes courage, but it can be immensely rewarding for children of all ages. By addressing the act of bullying in the moment, they can help de-escalate and stop harassment before it causes long-term physical or psychological harm.

Bystander mobilization can also give children and teens greater experience with confidence and empathy, making it less likely that they will simply ignore bullying that they witness in the future.

 

Bullying, SYN Digital Enrollment Director, SYN The Bully Expert

Bullying and depression

Bullying and depression often go hand in hand for both the victims as well as the bullies. People who experience cyber bullying are at an even greater risk of developing clinical depression.

Fortunately, there are ways that parents can take action by being attentive to the warning signs and helping their children learn ways to stand up for themselves and develop strong self-esteem.

 

Links Between Bullying and Depression

Psychologists and child development experts have established many links between bullying and depression in children. The depression that results from being bullied may last for many years and can even linger after the bullying behaviors are stopped.

Children who have experienced cyber bullying may develop more serious symptoms of depression, especially if the bullying is perpetrated by anonymous individuals.

Some of the additional effects of being bullied include:fear-of-failure

  • Anxiety
  • Physical illness, aches and discomfort
  • Low self-esteem
  • Decreased participation in extra-curricular activities and hobbies
  • Increased absence rate from school

 

Symptoms of Depression in Children

While some of the symptoms of depression in children are similar to the symptoms that adults experience, children may also react in other ways. Children may show more physical symptoms of depression.

Signs parents, caregivers and teachers should look for in the victims of bullying include:

  • Unexplained outbursts of crying or anger
  • Changes in sleep patterns, including increased sleepiness or insomnia
  • Not being able to concentrate on school work or tasks
  • Sudden changes in appetite or eating habits
  • Increased tiredness, fatigue and slow movement
  • Giving away of favorite or prized possessions
  • Withdrawing from social situations
  • Increased restlessness and anxiousness
  • Feelings of guilt and worthlessness
  • Increased talk of death and mentions of suicide

 

Taking Action to Prevent Bullying

Frequent communication with a child who is experiencing bullying is key to identifying the symptoms of depression. Parents along with teachers and other professionals can take steps to prevent bullying and depression that follows.

Physicians and school counselors can help parents and children gain access to the care and resources they need for overcoming the effects of bullying. In some cases, individual or family counseling may be recommended.

Any parent or professional who feels that their child is in immediate danger should treat the situation as a medical emergency and contact the appropriate local authorities for urgent assistance.

Bullying does not have to be a rite of passage for children if parents and teachers take action to end it.

 

Bullying, Discipline, SYN Digital Enrollment Director, SYN The Bully Expert

Bullying and special needs children

Children with physical, developmental, intellectual, emotional and sensory disabilities are at an increased risk of experiencing bullying at school and in other public places where they spend time, such as playgrounds and parks.

A child with disabilities may not have the verbal skills to speak up for himself or herself and may be more physically vulnerable to aggressive actions performed by bullies. In addition, some types of disabilities cause a child to become a bully.

Teachers, parents and other important adults in the lives of children with disabilities can come together to identify problem behaviors and work towards a solution.

 

Types of Bullying That Affect Children With Special Needs

Bullying is a power imbalance that occurs between two or more people. In most cases, bullying takes place over a duration of time and often progresses to a worsening level of behavior and actions.

There are many forms of bullying that affect children with special needs, including spreading rumors, cyber bullying, teasing, verbal harassment, racial slurs, taunting, making obscene gestures, threats, spitting, kicking, slapping, punching and hitting. Any of these can happen to a child with special needs who may not understand the context or even why people are doing that to him or her.

 

Rights of Children With Special Needs Who Are Bullied

Children with special needs are protected against bullying, harassment and other forms of intimidation. Under federal law, Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973 and Title II of the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990, school systems must address any bullying or threatening behavior exhibited towards children with special needs.

This is true for Head Start all the way through college.

 

Creating a Safe Environment for Children With Disabilities

Schools must provide accommodations for children with special needs.

When bullying takes place, the child must first and foremost be kept safe. Once any medical needs are addressed, the bullying behavior can be considered. Creating a safe environment for children with disabilities may require actions such as amending the IEP, having a meeting with the school counselor and principal, or scheduling supportive services such as psychotherapy or meetings with social workers.

School-wide programs about anti-bullying topics can also be performed as a way to educate the entire school community about this important issue.

 

Bullying, Discipline, Motivation, SYN The Bully Expert

Addressing Bullying In Youth Sports

Bullying has been brought to national attention due to several high-profile tragedies. Bullying in youth sports has been part of the game for decades. Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be so.

There are many ways that coaches, parents, referees, volunteers, spectators and kids can work together to keep bullying out of youth sports.

 

Educate Parents

Parents must be educated about the effects of bullying on a victim, the victim’s family, and society as a whole. Some parents may not be willing to believe that their child is the culprit or may try to place the blame upon the victim. Involving coaches and sponsors in the conversation can help to ensure that communication is clear.

 

Call Out Negative Behavior

Institute a clear policy that negative behavior is not allowed by anyone in any aspect of youth sports. Bullying may begin with what seems like simple name-calling or teasing about poor performance. However, the situation can quickly escalate if nothing is done.

Nipping negative behaviors in the bud makes it clear that this type of behavior is not acceptable in youth sports. Every youth sports organization should maintain a zero-tolerance rule that applies to:

•Name-calling
•Teasing
•Aggression
•Threats
•Verbal abuse

 

Become Familiar with Bullying Risk Factors

Understanding the risk factors of becoming a bully can help parents and coaches deter the behavior. Many bullies come from homes where such behavior is typical. There may also be domestic violence in the household.

Bullies often have a short fuse and a bad temper. They may use aggression to solve problems both on and off the field.

 

Being Proactive

Parents and coaches can be proactive at keeping bullying out of youth sports. Coaches can make themselves available to parents and players who need to report problem behavior. Parents can be open and honest with their children about reporting problems and setting good examples of how to treat others. Parents can also teach their children the zero-tolerance rule and not go along with others who are bullying.

Youth sports affords kids the opportunity to form strong relationships, be physically active and learn new skills. Eliminating bullying in youth sports requires that parents, coaches and the community work together to set positive examples, enforce a zero-tolerance policy and create an environment in which everyone is welcome.

 

Bullying, Discipline, SYN Digital Enrollment Director

Understanding the different types of bullies

Just like the many different types of bullying, there are different types of bullies.

Each has their own reasons for bullying and the approach that they take to belittle, intimidate or harass their targets. Today we’re going to look at who these bullies are and how they act out.

 

Popular bullies

Perhaps the biggest bully stereotype is the popular bully. These are the kids who are seen by others as the trendsetters and ones to emulate.

They seek attention as a way to stay on top of the social ladder or climb higher and use bullying to get there. Popular bullies tend to be more physical in their attacks; shoving, punching or stealing from their targets.

 

Relational bullies

Also desperate for attention is the relational bully. They are slightly lower in the social pecking order than the popular bullies but enjoy using their status to decide who will be accepted and who will be outcast.

Their weapon of choice is gossip, name calling and exclusion to slander others in an attempt to keep down those who they don’t like.

 

Serial bullies

If not a target, it would be hard for others to believe a serial bully to be someone who would cause problems for others.

Serial bullies can act and appear to be innocent in the eyes of authority figures and even other students. But when they select a target, they use emotional bullying, manipulation and lying to bring down their victims.

And because they are very careful to fly under the radar of parents and teachers, they are often free to inflict emotional damage for long periods of time without getting caught.

 

Group bullies

As the name suggests, group bullies strike when they are together.

They will imitate the leader of their group as a means to impress that person and prove to the others that they belong. Because they have strength in numbers, group bullies often justify their actions by making the argument that their behavior is acceptable because others are doing it too.

 

Indifferent bullies

The other common stereotype of a bully is the indifferent bully.

These are the bullies who are incapable of feeling emotion and it shows. They often appear cold and detached.

Indifferent bullies are dangerous because they don’t care what happens to themselves or others so they can be capable of inflicting some very serious physical or emotional damage.

 

Bullying, Child Safety, SYN Digital Enrollment Director, SYN The Bully Expert

Does Criminalizing Bullying Reduce Reporting?

More and more communities are enacting harsh criminal penalties for bullying offenses.

Youth advocates are concerned that criminalizing these acts will further reduce reporting of bullying incidences. Lack of reporting prevents healthier and more proactive approaches to this problem. Even without criminal penalties, only one in three incidents are actually reported.

In circumstances where bullying is treated as a criminal offense, reporting is reduced even more, preventing trained school officials from turning bullying incidents into learning opportunities that will change behavior in a positive way.

 

Why Bullying goes Unreported

  • Severe consequences make victims hesitant to report
  • School officials may look the other way because the severity of punishment is disproportionate to the offense
  • Teachers and school officials lack ability to deal with bullying within additional legal boundaries
  • Criminalizing does not discourage bullying, but it does create a more negative climate for all students
  • Parents fear making a bullying situation worse and do not know what to do
  • Children do not want parents to report bullying
  • Some parents fear being over-protective and think it is best for children to work it out themselves
  • Parents of victims do not want their children to be traumatized or victimized further by a process that requires their child to be a sworn witness

Recommended Actions to Prevent or Manage Bullying

  • Create an environment where students feel supported, safe and engaged because all students in these environments are less likely to behave badly
  • Promote learning and healing of both victims and bullies instead of punishment and blame
  • Focus on forgiveness, responsibility and respectful dialogue
  • Develop policy on uses of technology that could affect online behavior in or out of the classroom, or at home
  • Community-wide strategies can help to change the attitudes of both youth and adults who tolerate bullying behaviors in areas outside of schools

Although the intention of laws designed to criminalize bullying is to make schools and communities safer, criminalizing bullying tends to drive it underground even more.

Unreported bullying prevents trained professionals from helping not only victims of bullying and bullies, but members of the community who are also negatively impacted by bullying.